Monday, October 18, 2010

waiting and relaxation...

...two things I am NOT skilled at. 

If I'm not mid-project(s), I'm planning to be. I fill my schedule so full with commitments, my "spare" time ends up being used to catch up on at-home tasks. If i *do* sit down to try to relax, I feel guilty for not being productive (even if that "productivity" is checking Facebook or emails). All the while, I'm living 2 months in the future instead of in the moment. All of these things I realize about myself. Thus, I'm endeavoring to learn how to slow down, live in today, and RELAX. 

I'm bringing back "me" time...even in the midst of accomplishing other goals. 

Relaxation -- Take One~
My husband and I move next weekend into our first house <picture to the left is from our front window>. The apartment is in complete and utter chaos, and there seems to be an endless list of things to take care of before/during the move. I'm terribly excited...but having to wait is nearly killing me! Well it isn't...but it's surely not easy. As a result of my borderline manic mode regarding the move, my DH required that I relax this weekend. 

Relax...what does that even MEAN when your mind is spinning with to-dos and excitement? 

I knit, I watched some TV, I played a bit of World of Warcraft, I cleaned my boys' cage (not really relaxing...but it needed doing), I baked a little...then I ran out of things to do and it was 8pm. I asked DH if I could stop relaxing now and pack just a LITTLE...and he said "No!" I was tempted to go to bed since, surely, *that* was relaxing...but decided to do a bit of a "spa" night for myself with the piles of ladies' products that we all seem to have in a drawer: it was great! I felt more on top of things being in better shape! Relaxing? I'm not sure...I'm still working on that....

Waiting -- Take One~
I started packing the day we got pre-approved for our mortgage...this is how well I wait :P  That was a month and a half ago...or was it two months? Either way, waiting to finally get into our house has been a real trial for me...but we're finally down to the wire! The sale closes on only 4 more sleeps until I have the keys! It will take the weekend to move everything that we can before we let the movers at the bulk of it on Monday. After that comes the UN-packing...but I'm certain that won't be nearly as painful as I *love* to nest. My co-workers really get the brunt of it as I can change my cube around without anyone's permission (whereas DH would like a say in the level of chaos I create with my need for change). 

How do I deal with waiting? I put myself - mentally - in the future and pretend I'm there. The problem with that is that I can't see that my shoelace is untied when I'm focused three blocks ahead...and I stumble. I want to learn to enjoy anticipation and waiting...just not sure how to yet. 

----So this is my life: compulsively active, negligent when it comes to relaxation and personal time, and hoping to learn a little something about myself by putting down some of my life here. But I'm happy :) 

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